Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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