so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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