oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
