And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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