he puts the penis in happiness.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
