so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
