She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize