So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
