What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he thought i was a dude.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
