Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
bring money and cleavage
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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