Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
