Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
