Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
