True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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