my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
