is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
