i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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