I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
