im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
