i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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