woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
