and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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