Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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