everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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