And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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