Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
