It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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