I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
