Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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