her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
