He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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