we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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