even my farts smell like vagina
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
