There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
