I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
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