I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
