I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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