Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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