I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
