I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
