One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
