I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
