then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
