My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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