he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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