True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
