Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
