Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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