Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize