remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
