Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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