yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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