Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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