Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
