Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
