then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
