dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Someone signed my nipple.
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