I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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