i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
