I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
