peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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