Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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