You're so nebulous sometimes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize