There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize