Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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