If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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