I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
