like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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