In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
