remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
