Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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