yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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