I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
