Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
