'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
